Pick-up time observations

Why do children react the way they do when they reunite with their families at the end of the day? It's never easy to get inside a child's head for definitive answers, but here are some possibilities that may come into play on any given day:

• Ignoring us may actually be a sign that our child has adjusted well, feels secure at child care, and knew all along that we would return: "I'm glad to see you, but it's no big deal. I knew you'd come back, and so I'll just continue with what I was doing."
• "Going to pieces" may be a natural reaction to the sight of the person the child is closest to - you! Sometimes it's hard for a child to be in a group all day, and by the end of the day they are tired and their resistance is low. You are a big deal, almost too big.
• Children are driven to experiment. Acting out can be a child's way of testing an interesting situation. There are two people (the parent and the caregiver) who set limits and enforce the rules. "Who is in charge?" or, "How do these people work together?" Unable to articulate the question with words, the child may ask the question through behavior.
• Our child may just want us to stay a while in this place that is special, to be there together.
• Maybe there is a little unconscious payback and resistance to being forced to suddenly stop an activity in which our child was engrossed. He may be thinking, "I didn't like it when you dropped me off here rather abruptly this morning, so I'm not going to leave easily for you tonight."
• It’s even possible that your child may be anticipating the hustle and bustle that characterizes the evening routine until bedtime, and is voting with his feet to stay in this child-centered place!

Children are complex human beings. They are instinctive social scientists at every age, using their behavior to experiment with how the world of people works and their place in it. In the process, they will both delight us and push all of our buttons. In the instance of a child care reunion, one thing is certain — you are the ones they love best. They just have a funny way of showing it.

Want to become CEO? Then follow your Toddler!

Check out this terrific column by the Financial Times’ Lucy Kellaway on why the best (surprisingly) and worst (not so surprisingly) CEOs have a lot in common with toddlers. Among the highlights is the revelation that came to Nicholas Brann, a former banker with a 3rd child on the rink of toddlerhood. He geared himself up by writing some of the best traits of toddlerhood and them came to realize many of those traits were shared by many of the best CEOs he had worked for. They include:

● Toddlers are full of energy and enthusiasm. You can’t beat a toddler who is really into something and going for it 100 per cent.

● Toddlers are natural risk-takers. They throw themselves into climbing down the banisters in the boldest, bravest fashion.

● Toddlers are persistent. When told not to smear jam on a DVD, they will wait a couple of minutes and then do it again.

● Toddlers are inquisitive. They will not be fobbed off with a stock reply but go on asking “why? why? why?”

● Toddlers are creative. Their felt-tip drawings on walls and sofas betray the liveliest imagination.

● Toddlers have great interpersonal skills. They are good at thawing the hardest heart with hugs and sloppy kisses.

Check out the full article for a fun and refreshing read that may help you appreciate your toddler and your CEO more.

New year resolutions for Parents

# Listen more; talk at less: Ask what do you think? What are you feeling? Tell me about it. What would you do?
# Negotiate less; explain more: Our kids deserve to know the thinking behind our decisions and expectations, but should not be equal partners at the bargaining table. We are the parents.
# Read a little more: to your child, with your child, and in front of your child – books, magazines, newspapers, notes
# Write a little more: notes of love, recognition, encouragement, responsibility, and daily appreciation of life.
# Expect a little more: good behavior, responsibility, manners, kindness, and all of the goodness that lies within our children.
# Expect a little less: constant scheduling and enrichment filled days. Slow down, you move too fast. Children need a lot of slow to grow.
# Connect more: to family, friends, the community, those less fortunate, and the natural world.

Shy Children: Temperment is not Destiny

Rashmi was one of those children who was born shy and cautious, unlike her older sister Sneha, who greeted new people like long lost friends and plunged into new territory with little thought. From birth, Rashmi had trouble with novelty and was usually slow to warm up to new people and enter new situations. Separation from her parents or her primary caregiver at child care was difficult and almost all transitions were hard for her.

Shyness is a normal personality trait and neither bad nor good. It is a human evolutionary adaptation and it can help us achieve some control in social situations. Children have genetically determined temperamental traits and the makings of personality from birth. Probably around 15 – 20 percent of children are born with a temperament that leads to behavior often labeled as shy, reserved, fearful, or timid. The temperament we are born with is an important aspect of the adults we will become but it doesn't determine our destiny.

Temperament is relatively stable but does not remain unchanged; experience shapes and refines inborn traits. Nature and nurture are both important. Children like Rashmi who are born with a disposition toward shyness and caution can develop personalities that enable them to master new social situations and overcome any fears that might hold them back. In fact, Rashmi, now an adult, is at ease in a wide range of social situations and while not particularly adventurous, is willing to take risks and try new things. However, she is still mindful and cautious.

Parents and caregivers can play a critical role in helping children moderate or overcome shyness and fearfulness. The key is not assuming the trait is bad, not labeling the child, and not being either overly protective or solicitous or ignoring when shyness creates difficulties for a child. Labeling a child as “shy” or treating it as an infirmity can shape the child’s destiny from a young age. The best response to help children overcome their shyness and caution is to provide measured experiences to help children gain confidence, gentle coaching, and support.

Children like Rashmi, who tend to be cautious, shy, timid, anxious, slow to warm up, or fearful, are no less capable of success in life than children born with a temperament inclined to plunge into new situations or take risks, or children who seem to take everything in stride, adapting flexibly to what life has to offer. Shyness and having difficulty with novelty are normal — many children are born with this tendency. It does not mean that they won’t grow up to be presidents, Olympic athletes, CEOs, lawyers, rock stars, or even stand up comics or talk show hosts. What children like Anne need from us is our acceptance, patience, and support for developing the confidence and skills to master new relationships and situations.

Shy children may have trouble initiating interactions and conversations. They may tend to be inhibited in social situations and meeting new people. As they get older, they often develop anxiety about fitting in and about how they appear to others. The more help they get from us in their early years, the fewer problems they will have as they face the challenges of the school years and the minefields of adolescence.

Very shy school-age children really do need our help. They may not have the social skills or may have so much anxiety that they experience rejection because they really don’t fit in. They may need help learning basic social skills — even when to smile or when to begin (or end) a conversation.

How parents and caregivers can help children who are shy:


* Recognize and value the whole child — his or strengths, feelings, and interests.
* Absolutely avoid negative labeling. The behavior shouldn’t define the child. Once a child bears the label “shy,” “fearful,” or “timid,” it’s hard to overcome. Some of the qualities that accompany what is thought of as shyness are very positive. Careful, mindful, or cautious are more positive terms and characteristics.
* Respect the child’s nervousness and anxiety as “normal,” and don’t try and minimize it or overreact to it. “Sometimes, we all feel nervous and are afraid of looking silly, not making friends, etc…”
* Don’t simply protect the child from new people and new situations. Instead of treating the child as fragile or vulnerable, recognize that some children just need a little more time to check out the situation from a distance and enter it at their own pace. Older children may need your help understanding what they can do to fit in.
* Play or role-play that serves as rehearsal can help children approach new people and situations with less anxiety.
* Social situations with known children and adults, extended family or friends, or in very small groups are good venues to become comfortable.
* Opportunities to play with younger children can help children practice their social skills.
* Set small, achievable goals for toddlers and preschoolers approaching new situations and help school-age children set their own goals.

With acceptance, support, and gentle coaching, children born with a tendency toward shyness can succeed at anything.

Children’s Books For and About Shy Children:


* Absolutely Lucy by Ilene Cooper
* Wings by Christopher Myers
* The Blushful Hippopotamus by Chris Raschka
* Shy Charles by Rosemary Wells
* Zucchini by Barbara Dana
* Nurturing the Shy Child: Practical Help for Raising Confident and Socially Skilled Kids and Teens by Barbara and Gregory Markway


Web Resources

There are a number of Web sites devoted to helping parents with shy children, offering a range of thinking, advice, and in some cases, services. Many parenting Web sites have information on shyness so the best advice is starting with a site you like. Two Web sites worth exploring are www.shykids.com, and for teachers, www.shakeyourshyness.com/teachingshychildren.htm.

About Early Literature

Children are born to read. The development of literacy has its roots in a child’s earliest language development: the first “call and response” or “conversations” between the child and the adults in his or her life. When an infant smiles and the adult responds with language such as, “Oh, how cute you are!” the child is learning the power of communication. This inherently leads to the development of language and literacy, and ultimately physical and social/emotional development.

The development of oral language is a universal process. Almost all children learn to talk, listen, communicate, and function in their society without any instruction, although all children don’t achieve equal proficiency. However, the research suggests that early exposure to language results in greater proficiency than later exposure. (Shonkoff, J. and Phillips, D., 2000)

Reading is an intellectual and social activity. Readers grow in families and communities that value the written word. Literacy is the product of extensive and systematic interactions with printed words and high expectations for the child’s language development. Becoming a lifelong reader is the result of children living in families and attending programs and schools where they come to believe that reading and writing are as natural and integral to their lives as eating and drinking — and just as enjoyable.

What Does the Cow Say?

Not long after “mamma” and “dada”, animal sounds emerge as the words very young children learn. Before the age of two, toddlers can identify a surprising number of animals and the sounds they make. A visit to the zoo, aquarium, or preserve can support this burgeoning interest, but so can the many wonderful books on animals for children of all ages. These books provide an interactive experience for young book lovers as well as informational text and great stories for preschool and beyond. Children learn the names of animals, the sounds they make, classification, and even kindness and conservation.

Creature ABC is a traditional alphabet volume with untraditional photographs. Pictures of real animals juxtaposed in the ‘abc’ format create a page turner that appeals to a wide range of young readers. The creatures shown go far beyond the usual barnyard set and challenge the reader to guess the animal from an initial view of one part. Can you tell a chameleon by its tail?

Photographs provide a different perspective in Animal Friends: A Global Celebration of Children and Animals. Children from around the world are shown with a variety of animals, some common and some not. The text indicates the similarities and differences among the animals, but tells us that animals will return the affection we show them.

In Japan, the cat is a good luck symbol for merchants. The beautifully illustrated Beckoning Cat unveils the mystery behind this icon. In this folktale, kindness begets kindness as the grateful cat helps a young boy take care of his adult-like responsibilities.

Children’s experiences may range from playing with the family pet or viewing the aquarium in a child care center to observing wildlife in a natural habitat. A wide array of well written and illustrated books on animals can appeal to the young reader's interest and curiosity.

How we can help child lear literacy skills

Children at age 2-4 are in an exciting stage of language development. They repeat and imitate what others say, understand more when spoken to, and begin to put words together into short phrases. Vocabulary development and comprehension are most important at this stage.
Help your child learn language in a meaningful context by talking to her about what she is doing.
Acknowledge your child's use of language by repeating the words and phrases he says.
Help your child learn how to build on language she knows by expanding her words into phrases and sentences.
Help your child learn the names of things by labeling objects in his environment.
Help develop your child's vocabulary by reading a wide variety of books together.
Encourage your child to talk and express ideas by engaging him in conversations.
Model good communication skills by listening attentively and responding purposefully to your child.
Expand your child's vocabulary by demonstrating how to add new words to familiar ones to make phrases and short sentences.
Select books that contain movements and sounds your child can imitate or that introduce concepts such as colors, counting, and shapes.
Use speech that is clear and simple for your child to model